Dear Parents,
If feeding your baby has become a stressful, tearful, or frustrating part of your day, you are not alone. Maybe your baby turns away, arches their back, or pushes the bottle or breast aside. Maybe mealtimes feel more like battles than bonding moments. And maybe, in your quietest moments, you’ve asked yourself: “Is it something I’m doing?”
That question takes courage. And the truth is—it might be. But not in the way you think.
You’re not a bad parent. You’re not too much or not enough. You’re simply human. And the connection between your emotional world and your baby’s feeding experience is powerful, often invisible, and deeply important.
Let’s talk about it—gently, honestly, and with hope.
Babies Feel What We Feel
From the very beginning, babies are wired to read us. They sense our tone, our tension, our pace. When we hold them to feed, they don’t just receive milk—they absorb our energy.
If you’re feeling anxious, frustrated, rushed, or overwhelmed, your baby picks up on it. Their body goes on alert. Even if the milk is warm and the spoon is ready, they may not feel safe enough to eat.
Feeding is about more than hunger. It’s about trust, connection, and emotional safety. And when those are shaky—for whatever reason—a baby may start to avoid feeding altogether.
How Our Behavior Can (Unknowingly) Create Feeding Stress
Even with the best intentions, certain behaviors can make feeding feel pressured or unpleasant for a baby. Here are a few common patterns:
💬 “Just one more bite…”
Repeated prompting—even in a sweet voice—can feel overwhelming to a baby who’s trying to listen to their body.
🍽️ Feeding on a tight schedule
If we’re focused on finishing bottles or meals by the clock, we might miss their natural cues for hunger or fullness.
😟 Anxiety around intake
When we worry about how much they eat, we may hover, coax, or rush. That tension creates a stressful environment where the baby may shut down.
😥 Emotional energy
Feeding through tears—yours or theirs—is heavy. If you’ve cried after a feeding session, know this: you’re human, and many of us have been there.
Start Positive: Gentle Shifts You Can Make Today
Healing feeding aversion doesn’t require perfection. It begins with presence, compassion, and a few gentle shifts in how we show up.
1. Breathe Before You Feed
Take one calming breath before each feed. Remind yourself: “This is a moment of connection, not a performance.” Your calm can become their calm.
2. Let Go of Control, Embrace Curiosity
Instead of measuring success by ounces or spoons, ask: “What is my baby telling me?” Let them lead, even if that means less food for now.
3. Create a Pressure-Free Zone
No forcing. No bribing. No begging. Just offer food or milk with warmth, and if they turn away, honor that choice. Trust builds when babies feel in control of their body.
4. Check in with Yourself
Ask: “How am I feeling about feeding today?” If you’re anxious, sad, or tense, try to soothe yourself first. A short pause or a walk outside can help.
5. Repair the Moment
If a feed ends in frustration, it’s okay. Cuddle. Sing. Make eye contact. Repairing emotionally is more important than “getting it right.”
When to Ask for Help
If you feel stuck, discouraged, or simply unsure, you deserve support. A pediatrician, feeding therapist, or infant mental health professional can walk with you.
Feeding aversion is treatable. And you are not failing—you are learning. Sometimes just having someone witness your struggle can begin the healing process.
You’re Not Alone, and It’s Not Too Late
Parenting is a beautiful, exhausting, emotional journey. No one gets it perfectly right. But every day offers a new chance to reconnect—with your baby, and with yourself.
Even if feeding has been filled with tension or tears, that’s not the end of the story. Babies are incredibly resilient. And so are you.
With patience, gentleness, and presence, you can rebuild feeding into what it was always meant to be: a place of nourishment, safety, and love.
With all sincerity,
From One Parent to Another